Free-Range Parenting

Much has been written about free-range parenting. It is a counter response to helicopter-hovering parenting, a style of parenting that was popular for a while, and was heavy on parents protecting their children and giving them very little freedom.

We all get scared by what is happening in our world. My 17 year old son was a freshman in college when he and his buddies heard of an orphanage in the Baja whose workers left and the children were unattended. While he and his friends were driving from Wheaton, IL to Baja, I read the State Department briefing on dangers in Mexico. I told Jimmy there is a warning about going into that part of Mexico: there have been carjackings, kidnappings and cartels. Jimmy said, “Dad, did you teach me to live by faith or fear?”

The hard part of parenting is assessing the risk and giving permission to your child to follow the Lord’s leading.

Free-range parenting has been described as a style of parenting that allows children to have independence and freedom to explore the world with limited parental supervision.

As I look back over my life, my parents certainly embraced free range parenting. In elementary school, my friends and I would play until our mothers called for us to come home for dinner. I could freely go in and out of my neighbor's houses, school yards and fields playing sports. In the summers, I would leave the house in the morning and not return until late unless there was an injury.

While I am in favor of children learning from their experience, having some unstructured time to play with friends, developing confidence from making good choices, I feel the role of parents is to prepare their children for life. The level of independence is based on their age, maturity and situation.

Free-range parenting is based on trusting children to make sound decisions and facing the consequences of their choices. It seems that there must be a balance between safety and freedom. The world certainly seems much less safe than it was when I grew up. Even when our children or grandchildren are old enough to go to the bathroom by themselves, it is a good idea in a park or restaurant to go with them. I ask one of my grandkids if he would like privacy or company when going to the bathroom? He always says company when we are away from home and privacy at home.

It seems that our children will develop confidence when they are given age appropriate tasks that they can do by themselves provided they are prepared by their parents. One good thing to ask your kids is what would they like to do on their own? What would give you more confidence?

One 7 year old said to his mother I would like to order at Chik Fil- A on my own. So his mother prepared him to do this task. She gave him the money, she told him what to order and then said if they give you a hard time ask for the manager. She stayed in the car. He came back with the food, the change and renewed confidence.

We all want our kids to develop independence, confidence and resilience. Talk to them about what tasks they would like to try on their own, then begin to prepare them for what is ahead and they will incrementally develop. Someday they might want to drive from where they are to someplace like Baja, Mexico.